“Hi, it seems like we will be stuck here for quite some time. So, we can either choose to bore ourselves to death by listening to our boring songs from our outdated playlist on our headphones. We may opt to sleep till the end of the journey. You could also indulge in that old novel sitting on your lap. Or we could indulge in a conversation that may prove interesting, or at least feign interest as we pack regret at the back of our minds, cursing the moment we decided to play along to each other’s muse. I am Maurice by the way, you know, if anyone asks.
“Three, two, one….. Still no one is asking”.
And that’s how I met her father.
Well, as I am seated on this side of the confession box, I cannot stop wondering why you decided to become a father. Was it a calling, was it for money or was it inspired by the sting of a rejection from the other gender? I am guessing that being a father, the thought of being gay could not have crossed your mind, right? Well, father, we rode the same ship and docked at different ports. We had a lot in common. Well if you were not a father you would know that after having a good conversation with a lady, you ask for her number and plan a second date. You wouldn’t know that, would you? You see father, on this other side of the world, there are many things we think about, one enigma being who to marry. What would she be like? Will she be beautiful? Loving? Caring? Will she respect and adore me? Will she stick by me when no one else does, or will she flee when poverty knocks on my front door? Well, I have to confess, the idea of marriage gives me goose bumps. I do not intend to get married to someone then end up divorcing after spending a fortune on each other. Forgive me, father, I forgot to mention that I am Kikuyu and you would know that we love money. Who doesn’t though?
When I was younger, I wished to be just like you; I envied how you had memorized all the prayers. I still recite them after you during service. As I grew older, I realized I couldn’t marry if I chose your path, and that scared the hell out of me. Still, I could not imagine a life without a family; no offense though. Being so young, I knew nothing about casual sex, and so that too was off the table. Well as I was saying, we had a connection with her, or so I thought. I hoped she would be ‘the one’, until one day when she sent me a photo of her boyfriend bragging about how happy he made her and how much they were in love. I knew I had been friend zoned, or worse, bro-zoned when I once helped restore their relationship when they were in squabbles. You see, that’s the reason I am telling you that I am the one who should be seated on the other side. She told me and I quote, “you are the best’s friend I have ever had, I do not know how I would survive without you and can’t imagine life without you as a friend.”
Well, father, that statement tamed my fears. At least I was not her ‘brother’. I hope you understand what it means to be a brother to a girl. You were once a brother before you became a priest, so I guess you are better informed than I am. After a while, they broke up; claimed that they were not a good match. Well, I think I am genius ‘cause I had that figured out, or so I thought. I comforted her; reminded her of how beautiful she was, and she had the guts to mention the friend thing again. This was my moment; my prayers answered. I organized dates, surprises; I consistently texted, called her, I did all I could to ensure that she would be smitten by me. Let me tell you something; there is nothing as hard as trying to impress a girl who thinks of you as a friend. Well, you can’t judge me, I have been single for way too long, and it sucks.
So, today she sent me a picture of a guy; I sarcastically commented that I am guilty of not knowing all her family members. And guess what she said, “Silly! that’s not my brother, and you know every member of my family, he is the guy I have been telling you about, Luke remember?” Father, please tell me what you think the problem is. I have known her for a year now. Can you imagine Father, I met her before that guy, but she has never developed feelings for me. Where did I go wrong? I did not want to sound pretentious, so I told her to follow her heart’s desire and wished her luck. I decided to follow my heart’s desire too, I, therefore, came bearing ‘this letter’; I want to join the priesthood. I hope that my reasons for being here are valid. I cannot live without her, but I have come to realize that she will always consider me a friend. So I want to convince myself that I cannot be with her because I will be a priest. Yes, I know I am smart you do not have to rub it in my face. I even brought my luggage, so where do I start father?